my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
