Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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