He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
