Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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