The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
