I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
