i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
being pregnant is like rehab
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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