let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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