I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
