remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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