need another drink. this is the easiest way
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
