Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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