Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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