May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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