I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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