how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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