what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
