Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
