Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
