I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
