the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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