Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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