he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
