i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
