i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
