If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
