..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
