I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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