OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
