Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
