you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
