I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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