So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
