You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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