Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
