I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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