he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
