I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
