My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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