I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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