i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
