Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
