How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
