I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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