know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
