Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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