Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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