it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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