I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
