forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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