ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
