The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
