I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
