He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
