i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
