So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
