I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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