The maid of honor just puked.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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