Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
