playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
