I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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