there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
