Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I could make wine with my vomit
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want to make out with him forever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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