Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
