I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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