I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
