i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
