smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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