Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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