we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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