I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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