just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
