last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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