Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
