so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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