This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
