Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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