Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ladies don't puke and tell
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
